There's no home in this hollow soul.

Who in the fucking sick mind would create school?It just fucking give people anxiety...

Who in hell would ever create a law that a person has to stay in hell until they're 18 before they can leave?Because fuck all of this!I'm sick of trying to please everyone.I'm tired for being the outcast even at "home".Shit I hate being the "weird kid".Fuck it.I'm me....and in my heart this place is just another sleeping place,just another storage...this isn't a home.Maybe when I was a kid,yeah that's a home...now how about screw this society.I'm that punk ass,that fucking emo bitch.You can't agree with my music?My dressing?My love for crazy piercing and tattoos?I'm just gonna tell you I don't need your opinion,I don't need your money.For all I know you get those dirty dollars from sleeping with men.All I need is a one way ticket.To the U.S.To where my boyfriend is and trust me I will never ever return.There is where I will have acceptance.Not here...

Living death

they knock you down.you get up.but what if they pinned you down and asked you why you cant get up?

what if they choke you till you are suffocating yet they wont let you die.

the torture...they push you around...mentally.they drive you insane.they are at fault.yet you get the punishment

you want death.you want relief but its never up to your wishes....because you were never meant to be alive

Fire

A lighter in hand,
A bobby pin in another.
Light it up,watch it burn.
Shutting those darken hazel eyes,
Placing the the pin on my arm.
The pain was enough to make me feel relief.
This just fucked up.....

Strike the lighter,
Smiling sinsterly.
I lit myself on fire,
Burning down all my memories in this house.
Burning away all the pain and hate,
Afterall,it's all reduce to ashes

Fucked up family logic

I don't understand how can a woman put up with a cheating man...It's just a total fucked up logic.I mean who the hell would even date and marry a man whom wins you at arm wrestling....it's just crazy.I'm not even suprise me dad cheated on my mom,considering she's a bitch.

Since young I was never close to my parents....bc well they didn't give me the feeling of home.Well I'm a replacement for my dead elder brother/sister I guess it explains why.

If a kid at 5months old can choose to be closer to their grandparent than parents would already mean something isn't right....My granddad used to have a plantation which is nearly as big as 3bungalows and a huge fish farm so he was never home.My grandma quit her job as a school teacher and did home tuitoring instead so she could take care of my mom and aunt(at least they had a parent at home who cared).When I was a kid I was really really close to my grandparents,likewise my granddad treated me like I was his daughter instead.Like a princess.And bc I resembence my aunt,they took me as their own daughter.My mom has always been jealous of my aunt,bc my aunt is talented,hardworking,smart,(kinda)famous and has a perfect family all the more it causes my mom to hate me(even though she pretends like she doesn't).

but now...my grandparents said i have changed...I'm no longer the girl they knew.Just because I like bands....I just don't get this shit...I'm just done with everyone and everything....I won't even mind dying in my sleep without saying a single goodbye to anyone.Byes are never good.So there's nothing called Goodbye bc all it brings is pain

Best friends

Ever since I went into secondary school I have always felt so alone.I regretted those days when I say I hate my primary school,truth is I actually don't.I have friends back then,I had fun,I felt like my life was just perfect....but now in secondary school i hate it here.i miss my clique,i miss my insane besties.

So today I met up with them...I was late but they didn't mind.The best part?They knew they won't be able to celebrate my birthday on the actual day so they did a surprise party.I have no idea what I ever did.I don't deserve such good besties,I'm a monster....Yet they have always stayed by me.They know I self harm,they know about all my heartbreaks,my secrets.I actually hate how we only meet up once in awhile....sometimes I just need them so much but they are so far away.I seriously just love them so damn much....I don't deserve them at all.Somehow they just accept me,they care,why are they so nice I just don't get it....but I guess that's the power of our clique ----The Crazily Awesome<3

Rant....

It's Friday again...I'm sitting in my room crying my eyes out while blogging...what the hell have I become...

I hate school so fucking much...I feel like I'm annoying all my friends....I know all my classmates are just tolerating me....I just can't take all this shit...

My dad saw my scars....he assumes he knows everything bc he believed the lie I told my school teachers....he doesn't know shit...he thinks bring me to a BVB concert will just make everything all right.....

I have so much self hate bottled up..I can't believe I managed not to kill myself from cutting so deep...then again I promised my friend I won't attempt again....yet it's so tempting.

I don't even know what the hell I'm doing my life....blogging about how shitty I feel?That's so fucking low of me.....Urgh....I'm retarded and insane...