Fears

Yeah judge,keep on judging.So what,I admit it,I have fears.Loads of fears.I fear darkness,which due to my fucked up luck I ended up being trapped in the darkness for an hour because if blackout.

I texted so many people hoping they will reply,so that I can distract myself and probably calm down a little.Yes,me being a loser.I had a panic attack in the dark.I called my dad so many times to try to get him to come home and try to get the power back on,he didn't pick up a single of my calls.

I thought people cared.Guess not.My mom even repeimanded me for waking her up in the middle of the night to tell her that the power is out and I am afraid of the dark.And because it was dark I felt like the whole house is shrinking in size causing me to feel even more panicy.I couldn't breathe properly.

My mom doesn't even know I have such fears.She doesn't even know what I have been through.She doesn't know how many things she does and says had caused me to develop such fears either directly or indirectly.What rights does she have to reprimand me?!She doesn't even have the rights to be my mom.

Now I know how many people cares.Nobody.And people who reads this by accident or on purpose are just going to say I'm an unfillial attentiom seeker.Whatever.You have not been in my place yet.

After so long,I have always wanted to commit sucide but I'm just a loser who has no courage to jump off a building or hang myself or overdose.For too long,I wanted myself dead.So if tomorrow when I go out for tuition,a car comes zooming my way.I will not jump out of the way,I will make it look like an accident.So I don't need to pluck up any courage to suck in my last breath and kill myself.