hi again...i rose from the dead

Hi.Holy fucking shit its been almost 2 months I guess no one missed me yet but yeah hey.Idk what to say hahahah i'm one hell of an awkward fuck😂

Have you ever felt like something isn't you 'thing'?Yeah..i'm stuck right at this point you see with nowadays fucked up society you need to be "smart" and have your degrees to get a job.But.. what if studying isn't my thing?If you have read my previous posts you can obviously tell I'm sort of a punk kid.No I ain't saying punk kids cant study.I'm just saying it literally ain't my thing,every since I was 6 I watched stars perform their hearts out on stage I knew that's what I want.I don't want fame.I want to be able to play my music do the craziest shit like stage diving.It's just me while here I am stuck.Forced to study.

I can open my textbooks and fall asleep almost immediately.I want to perform I don't want to study I ain't interested yet I'm somehow in the "best class" but what's the use?I want to be able to hear my own music on radio and head bang to them just like how I head bang and mosh to Black Veil Brides.Yes I need to be sure I won't fail then I can stop studying and do my music but to want your dreams its a 50-50 chance.I wanna risk it all,I want to have a band.I don't want a band for fame.I may seem bad ass or rebellious but fuck no.I don't wanna get all cocky but in all honesty I hate myself to the core to the bones.I just think that I have been through quite a lot of shit considering my family is fucked up from the very beginning.I have my boyfriend who helped me through things so if he could save me why can't I form a band and save all those suicidal angels out there.I aspire to play music,to save lives.You don't need degrees,you don't have to be in the medical fields to save lives.If I can save these lives before they end up in the clinics and hospitals for the doctors and nurses to try and save them.Why not?Why not risk the failure,risk my future?

Music save lives.Art is another release.I learnt it the hard way.Pens not knives,speak not die.I'm willing to risk everyone in this family I have to disown me because I'm suppose to be a good kid and replace my dead older brother.If it means saving lives and doing what I love,fuck I won't even mind having to live by the streets if I do fail.